Nothing in my life, neither personal nor professional, prepared me for the difficult week. So many feelings came up this week and all I could do was let them wash through me. One by one, and in some cases handful by handful, emotions came up. Many of them got caught in my throat on their way past my heart.
In order to remain present and genuine in the face of such tragedy I needed to attend to whatever it was that came up. This, as you can imagine, was an exercise in consciousness. I wrestled my mind's urge to shut down and tune out, a coping mechanism that I commonly used while growing up. But when I felt the most alone, I realized that I had the perfect teacher at arms reach. Sophia's entire existence is about being present in the moment. She doesn't live in the future or the past. She isn't making plans for tomorrow or stuck in last week. Her life's mantra is "Be here now." So I started paying closer attention to the ways that she processes the world. The way that she lives in the moment. I felt a lightening and my heart opened.
There are still moments when I catch myself feeling heavy and wishing that I could feel the skin of George's cheeks in my hands....to have him home and safe right now....but then I hear a laugh or giggle and am reminded to "be here now."
My girl. My guru.